Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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