in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
