I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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