i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
