Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
