if only i could text you this smell
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
