Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
