how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Vodka?
Forever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
