I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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