On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
