Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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