i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
