Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT