I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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