You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In other news, I just burned my penis
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.