She's JV to your varsity
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog