You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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