I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
