her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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