i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
