Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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