You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
