Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
