I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's great music for shaving your balls
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
