Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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