around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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