Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
