So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
