He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
