Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's Friday. Sex?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
