Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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