Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize