I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
