He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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