this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
