walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
