i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
