I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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