just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
