I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
