I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
