and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
