The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
