you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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