dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
