There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
