GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
