I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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