She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
