Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
