I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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