Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
