12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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