Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
