Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
