When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
