I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
