I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I AM VODKA MAN
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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