i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
