Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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