Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
