her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
