dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
