That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
