I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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