so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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