Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
