Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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