yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
