if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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