Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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