Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
