There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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