It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Mom said you looked used
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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