yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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