cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
