just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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