he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
