did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
